Trying to win things as usual :)

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Bottom of the 8th with one out

Yet another evening with baseball in the background. Could my husband and I be anymore alike?

I love sports. Seriously, love sports. And as Napoli gets a fly out I realize that baseball is an obsession. I yell at my TV over "blue" making a terrible call. Um, hello that was clearly out of the strike zone.

What happened to being that excited about church or God. I don't go around screaming "God loves you." Honestly, I would probably scare people away if I did that. I laugh at the thought which takes me back to high school where a friend of mine & I would go around smacking people with the Bible saying "may the power of Christ compel you!"

HA. Wow, that was fun.

Where did the joy of teaching go?

Where am I supposed to go?

Finding a new church sucks. 

R & I have been told numerous times that we're going to hell because we don't regularly attend church. The problem with these people is they don't mean any church, they mean just theirs. And that, that pisses me off to no end. 

Who are you to judge which church me & my husband deem best for our family? 

We haven't attempted to find a new church home like we should but it's hard when you only have 4 choices within 15 minutes. And if we don't like those what are we to do? We cannot drive 30 minutes to the nearest big city then another 10-20 just in the city.  I love church and singing and worshiping but what am I to do when I either don't agree with what they are teaching or don't feel comfortable with the way they treat others. 

The hardest thing you'll ever learn

is just to love & be loved in return.

Another thing that's really to learn is when to admit you're wrong. Especially when you feel betrayed. Maybe by your best friend, family, or someone you don't even know.

Tonight, for me it feels like all 3.

So, tonight all I'd like to say is I'm sorry. And I forgive you. And I pray that you ask for God to forgive you & that I hope to see you in heaven one day.

Getting back to the basics.

I used to love writing. Now I feel nothing towards it. I really wish it would come as easy as it used to. So many things have changed and maybe I feel that I can't go back and that was a big part of my past, or maybe I feel that no one will listen. I've changed so much from that girl that used to enjoy life. Not saying I don't enjoy my life, but now... now I worry about my image and what others think more than I have in my life. In high school it was so simple (to me) I knew who I was and the only thing I let define me was God. I was His daughter. Now, I don't even feel like that most days. I've turned so far away from that girl that could go with the flow, that could put everything into God's hands. So, here I go. Back to the simplicity of beign God's child. Accepting everything that goes on in my life as His plan. As the journey He has put me on to be closer to Him, to bring others to Him. I need your prayers. I need to let go & let God. There it is the words that are so easy to say but so hard to do.